In many cultures emotional distress is understood through the lens of responsibility, endurance and self-control. Discomfort is often seen as something to be managed privately and overcome through discipline or perseverance. Within this framework expressions of anxiety may be interpreted as exaggeration, avoidance or a lack of resilience rather than as a genuine psychological concern. For individuals trying to explain anxiety to their parents, this gap in understanding can feel frustrating and isolating. The difficulty is rarely a lack of care. More often, it reflects different ways of interpreting distress.
Why Parents/Elders Often Minimize Anxiety
Research in developmental psychology and sociology consistently shows that emotional language and mental health literacy are shaped by historical context. Older generations were often raised in environments where survival, social stability and role fulfillment were prioritized over emotional articulation. In such environment distress was addressed behaviourally by working harder or staying occupied with difficult task rather than through reflection or verbal processing.
Studies on intergenerational attitudes toward mental health suggest that parents who grew up under conditions of scarcity, political uncertainty or strong social conformity are more likely to view psychological symptoms through a moral or behavioural lens. Emotional struggle may be interpreted as a failure of effort rather than a limitation of capacity. As a result, it does not indicate ignorance among elders in our culture or society rather, it reflects an adaptive worldview shaped by the demands of earlier life circumstances, where enduring stress was normalized and contemporary expressions of anxiety may appear unnecessary or excessive to them.
How to Communicate to Parents
One of the most effective ways to communicate about anxiety is to move away from emotional descriptors and focus instead on observable impact. Persistent anxiety becomes clinically relevant when it begins to interfere with daily functioning over time. This may include:
- Reduced concentration and productivity despite sustained effort
- Avoidance of responsibilities or situations previously managed
- Ongoing physical symptoms such as fatigue, tension or sleep disruption
- Emotional exhaustion that does not resolve with rest
- Strain in relationships due to irritability, withdrawal or hypervigilance
Framing the conversation around these changes shifts it from a debate about feelings to a discussion about capacity. It answers an unspoken parental concern: Is this actually interfering with life?
Anxiety is not maintained by a lack of willpower. It is maintained by learned patterns in attention, interpretation and physiological response. Over time, the nervous system becomes conditioned to anticipate threat even in neutral situations and these patterns tend to reinforce themselves.
Understanding Effective Treatment
Effective work with anxiety does not centre on eliminating symptoms as quickly as possible. Symptom relief may occur but it is not the primary target. When psychological intervention focuses solely on "feeling calm," progress is often short-lived because the underlying patterns that maintain anxiety remain unchanged.
In practice, anxiety is better understood as a narrowing in psychological flexibility. Actions are increasingly guided by avoidance, reassurance-seeking or overcontrol rather than by values, judgment or long-term goals. Over time life becomes organized around managing anxiety rather than living fully.
Therapeutic work therefore focuses on skill development: learning how to tolerate internal discomfort without escalation, how to think more flexibly under pressure and how to act effectively even when anxiety is present. As these capacities strengthen, anxiety loses its governing role. The clinical aim is not a permanently calm state which is neither realistic nor necessary. The aim is restored psychological flexibility: the ability to respond, adapt and choose appropriately across situations. When this flexibility is re-established, anxiety may still arise but it no longer dictates decisions or constrains participation in life.
Reframing the Conversation About Help
When anxiety has persisted despite sustained personal effort, seeking professional input is not a sign of weakness or failure. It is a recognition that certain skills are not acquired intuitively. Just as no one expects to rehabilitate a physical injury through determination alone, psychological recovery often requires guided practice and informed feedback.
If you are trying to explain this to your parents, it may help to emphasize outcomes rather than labels: improved focus, better sleep, restored productivity and greater emotional steadiness.